Resolve

I haven’t formed any New Year’s resolutions because I think it is stupid to wait an entire year to make goals for oneself, when one is perfectly capable mustering up a modicum of resolve on any given day of the year. I have a few long-term goals already: be more organized, minimize clutter in the apartment, be more healthy, etc., but, not to be left out of this honored holiday tradition, I decided to consult the Resolution Randomizer for my New Year’s Resolution. Here are five suggested goals for 2009:

1. Never be caught singing showtunes with co-workers.
2. Share my ideas about eating breakfast at any time. Ever.
3. Explore doing shots when I’m provoked.
4. Probably stop letting myself go under the table.
5. Abstain from telling lewd jokes at inappropriate times.

I’ll get right on that. Blueberry Belgian waffles for dinner.