The Jackal Girl (trailer fragment)

EXT. TAR HOLLOW STATE FOREST, OHIO DUSK

The steady breathing of a large animal is heard as it races through the forest underbrush, weaving in and out among the trees.

RAMONA SCHAEFER
(voiceover)

Some things should not exist.

INT. SCHAEFER HOME NIGHT

Ramona, 21, plain, tall, and slender, walks down the dark hall in her pajamas. She slowly pushes open the door to her grandmother’s room. The lit bedside table lamp reveals an old woman lying in her bed, dead.

The door opens further to reveal the dead woman’s ghostly form standing beside the bed, staring down at the corpse. The ghost turns from the bed and reaches an incorporeal hand toward Ramona.

RAMONA
(voiceover)

Some things exist whether we choose to believe in them or not.

EXT. TAR HOLLOW STATE FOREST, OHIO DUSK

A rental car with out-of-state plates is pulled off onto what little shoulder there is of the forest road. Two men exit the car: Eamon, a large, red-headed man appearing to be in his fifties, and Ciarán, a tall young man appearing about twenty-five.

EAMON
(inhales deeply, shutting the driver door)

She’s close.

CIARÁN
(eyes unfocused, listening as if with a sixth sense)

I can feel her.

In the forest, the large animal lets out a whine, its breath more labored now.

CIARÁN
(eyes coming back into focus; quietly)

She’s frightened.

Written for the writing prompt, The Movie Trailer.

I don’t want to say too much yet, because I know on Twitter you indicated that you might add to this and I want to see where it goes, but:

First reaction: You need to write this book, because now I want to read it. 🙂

That said… While I’m not hugely familiar with the project, I’m not coming to this completely out of the blue either. If nothing else, I remember reading and being rather favorably impressed by a scene you posted a while back; I can’t honestly remember whether you’ve mentioned other details to me or not, but it’s possible. So that’s influencing my reaction here.

Trying to ignore that and just look at what’s in this fragment… You mentioned being afraid it might come off as a ghost story, but I think it’s more in danger of coming off as a werewolf story. Whether there’s actual shapeshifting involved or not, I don’t recall whether I know, but even if there is my vague memories of the information imparted in the previously-mentioned scene seem to indicate that there’s more to it than that. Obviously you don’t want to give everything away or try to explain everything in the trailer, but I think it’s something to watch out for if you’re going to write more trailer later.

Which you may already have realized — that last sentence I just wrote sounds awfully like something you said in our conversation on the subject earlier — but it’s what I’ve got right now…

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